Baby's asleep. Monitor's on. You sit down.

And the first thing out of someone's mouth is: "Did you put the bottles in the steriliser?"

Not because you don't care. Not because the relationship is broken. But because logistics are the easiest thing to talk about when you're exhausted, and they feel urgent even when they're not.

I tracked this in my own home for two weeks. Every single evening, the first 10 minutes after bedtime were some version of a household briefing. Nappies, nursery pickup, who's calling the GP, what's in the fridge for tomorrow.

By the time we'd finished, one of us was already on the sofa scrolling. The "conversation" was over before it started.

Here's what I learned:

The issue isn't that you talk about logistics — of course you do, you're running a household. The issue is that logistics always go first, and by the time they're done, there's nothing left.

The fix is stupidly simple: delay the briefing by five minutes.

Instead of opening with tasks, open with one question that has nothing to do with the house. Not "how was your day" (that just triggers another status update). Something more specific:

• "What made you laugh today?"

• "What's one thing you noticed about the baby that surprised you?"

• "If you could skip tomorrow entirely, what would you do instead?"

Five minutes. One exchange. Then do all the logistics you want.

We've been doing this for months now. The briefing still happens — but it doesn't eat the whole evening anymore. And those five minutes? They're the best five minutes of my day.

I put everything I've learned into a short free ebook called New Parents Reconnecting Without Chore Talk. It covers the full framework — why bedtime defaults to logistics, how to build a five-minute thread, and how to keep it alive even on the worst nights.

Free to download if you want it.