Most partners freeze in week one. Not because they don’t care. Because nobody handed them a job.

The mother is in appointments, recovery, feeding, and sleep debt. She does not have spare capacity to also manage you. “Tell me what you need” puts the planning back on her.

A better default for the first 30 days:

• Pick two household jobs you own completely. Meals and dishes. Or nights after 1am and the morning bottles. Owned means she does not have to ask.

• One check-in a day that is not “how are you.” Try: “What would make the next three hours easier.” Then do that thing.

• One named person outside the house you can call when you are overwhelmed, so she is not your only outlet.

• If she is already in professional care, your job is to protect that care: drive, hold the baby, keep the house from collapsing around the appointment.

You will still get it wrong some days. The point is you stop waiting to be assigned.

If you want a day-by-day version of this for partners, I built one. Use it or don’t. The 30-day structure is the part that matters.