Na Nigerian man enter bank one afternoon shout:
“Everybody calm down! I no come rob anybody. I just wan check my account balance before network disappear again!”
Immediately, everybody raise hand. Even the security man raise two hands. 😂
One boy for Lagos tell his babe:
“Baby, I fit cross ocean for you.”
Girl smile.
“I fit fight lion for you.”
Girl blush.
“I fit climb mountain for you.”
Girl say:
“Awwwn, can you come see me this evening?”
Boy reply:
“Hmm… evening? Rain dey fall oo.” 😭
Na WAEC exam hall.
Teacher ask:
“Who can define corruption?”
One student stand up:
“Corruption na when government people chop money.”
Teacher smile:
“Correct.”
Student continue:
“And na why my school fees never reduce since 2012.”
Teacher:
“OUTSIDE!!!” 😂
A Nigerian mother no dey fear anybody.
Armed robber enter house midnight shout:
“Where una keep money?!”
Mama reply from room:
“Chinedu! So you don finally come back home?”
Robber weak instantly. 😭
Na one Nigerian father catch his son watching film instead of reading.
Father ask:
“Who be this?”
Son: “Jackie Chan.”
Father: “And your textbook wey suppose change your life nko?”
Son keep quiet.
Father carry belt say:
“Today, me and Jackie Chan go train you together.” 😂
One pastor ask congregation:
“Who wants to go to heaven?”
Everybody raise hand except one old man.
Pastor ask:
“Papa, you no want go heaven?”
Old man say:
“I want go, but I think say una dey go now-now.” 😭
Na Nigerian tailor sew one trouser for customer.
Customer wear am ask:
“Why one leg long pass the other?”
Tailor say:
“Oga relax. Na fashion.”
Customer:
“But zip dey back!”
Tailor:
“Advanced fashion.” 😂
One Nigerian guy go restaurant ask waitress:
“Madam, una get snail?”
Waitress say yes.
Guy point one waiter:
“Na him serve me yesterday.” 😭
Teacher ask little boy:
“If your father collect ₦500 from ten people, wetin be him profession?”
Boy answer immediately:
“Na pastor.” 😂
Na one area boy enter pharmacy ask:
“Abeg, una get drug for memory loss?”
Pharmacist: “Yes.”
Area boy: “How much?”
Pharmacist tell am price.
Area boy pause.
“Wait first… wetin I come buy again?” 😭
One Nigerian man buy generator.
The seller tell am:
“Oga, this generator na ‘key and start.’ Very sharp.”
Two days later the man come back angry.
“This thing no dey work!”
Seller ask:
“You put fuel?”
Man say:
“No. You talk say na key and start!” 😂
Nigerian parents can disgrace person with prayer.
As you dey leave house:
“God go protect you.”
Five seconds later:
“And no go disgrace me outside like your cousin Uche wey thief meat for wedding.” 😭
Police stop one keke driver.
Police:
“Bring your papers.”
Driver bring newspaper. 😂
One Nigerian wife wake husband 2am.
“Who be Sandra?”
Husband confused:
“Na who?”
Wife slap am:
“You don forget her abi?” 😭
Naija school punishment strong pass gym.
Teacher say:
“If I hear pim again, all of una go frog jump.”
One mosquito pass: “Piiiiim.”
Whole class suffer. 😂
Last one 😭👇
A Nigerian mother can call you 17 missed calls.
The moment you call back she go say:
“Nothing. I just wanted to know if your phone is working.” 😂
