A practical workbook with 7 real conversations that fix 90% of relationship conflict. Includes step-by-step scripts, reflection questions, and a 30-day commitment plan.

The real reason you keep having the same argument

Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual — they never fully resolve.

That sounds bleak. But here's the thing: the couples who thrive aren't the ones who eliminate conflict. They're the ones who learn to have the right conversations inside the conflict.

Most recurring arguments have nothing to do with what you think you're fighting about. The dishes aren't about the dishes. The money conversation isn't about money. It's always about something deeper — an unmet need, an old wound, a moment of disconnection that neither of you knew how to repair.

Here's a simple reframe you can try tonight:

Next time an argument starts, pause and ask yourself: "What do I actually need right now?" Not what you want your partner to do — what you need to feel.

Common answers: seen, valued, chosen, safe, respected, heard.

Then say it out loud: "When this happens, what I really need is to feel ___."

That one sentence changes the entire dynamic. You go from attacking each other to understanding each other.

This is one of 7 conversations from our workbook. If it resonates, the full guide walks you through all of them — step by step, with scripts and reflection questions.