You have been told to be patient. Everyone says it. And you have been patient for three years, and she still asked the same question eleven times before lunch.

Patience is not the skill. Patience is what you spend when you don’t have the skill. This book is the skill. More than 90 of the hardest moments, and the exact words for each one.

WHAT YOU GET. The book: 105 pages, 15 chapters, 96 moments. Every moment has four parts, the moment, the words to say out loud, why they work, and one line for you. Not advice. Permission. Plus 30 audio phrases, 22 minutes, for the car before you go in. The Family Meeting Kit: a one-pager, an hours-and-costs table, a 40-minute agenda and three letters depending on which sibling you are dealing with. And the fridge card with the twelve phrases that come up most.

INSIDE. She keeps asking. “I want to go home.” Where she lives, and the guilt of deciding. When she knows she is losing her memory. When she talks about dying. Hard news. When she accuses you. When she hurts you. When there is nothing left to say. Your siblings. What to say to yourself.

Based on what the Alzheimer’s Association, the National Institute on Aging and more than 150 sources agree on. The 58 sources quoted are listed at the back with links. Most people who need this book do not say dementia. They say she repeats. Not medical, legal or financial advice.