My Testimony
This is my testimony.
At 9 years old, I was introduced to pornography.
I grew up knowing about God, but I never truly took Him seriously.
Growing up, sports became my life.
When I was 15 years old, my parents got divorced.
That moment broke me.
To numb the pain, I started smoking weed. Before long, I was getting high every single day.
At first, it felt amazing because I didn’t have to deal with my emotions anymore.
Eventually, I became afraid to feel sadness.
During my parents’ divorce, my mom was carrying so much pain herself that she didn’t have much love to give. As a kid, I felt neglected.
The only time I felt loved was when I accomplished something.
So I made it my mission to achieve.
I wanted my mom to love me.
Basketball became my identity.
I became a varsity basketball player as a freshman on a team that was ranked fifth in the state.
I spent most of my freshman year on the bench, surrounded by Division I and Division II players, but it gave me confidence that I could compete.
Even during that season, I was still smoking weed every day to numb my pain.
By my sophomore year, I went from riding the bench to becoming a starter, averaging 22.1 points per game.
Around that same time, I was introduced to sex. As a young athlete gaining attention, women became interested in me.
My life revolved around women, weed, and basketball.
Those became my idols.
By my junior year, I was named team captain and averaged 27.2 points per game.
I was playing the best basketball of my life
while graduating #2 in the entire school with a 4.0 GPA.
From the world’s perspective, I was winning.
Everyone validated me because I was successful on the court and in the classroom.
My mom started noticing me again. I felt loved because of what I was accomplishing.
That made me want even more success because I believed achievement was how I earned love.
Deep down, I was still just a broken kid who wanted his mom’s love.
Around that time, I also began partying.
Being a well-known athlete allowed me to get into college parties while I was still in high school.
I continued smoking every day and sleeping with multiple women.
I found my identity in the women I was with because they made me feel accepted, connected, and loved.
But it was a false love.
By my senior year, I had a girlfriend, and our relationship was built almost entirely on sex.
I was still smoking every day even going to class high.
I was high almost every moment of the day.
I was still captain of the basketball team, averaging 22.2 points per game, and college coaches began showing interest.
Instead of humbling me, it fed my ego.
After basketball season ended, I had a choice.
I could continue pursuing basketball, or I could leave it behind.
I chose to walk away from basketball and chase the party lifestyle.
I went to East Carolina University with one goal to party and have fun.
During that season of my life, I completely lost myself.
My identity became women, drugs, alcohol, partying, and the approval of others.
I surrounded myself with the wrong people.
They accepted me like family, but they also were into stealing.
I had no real friends and desperately wanted to belong.
So I started stealing with them to fit in.
Eventually, I got caught.
That experience scared me enough to stop stealing because I didn’t want to go to jail.
But I continued surrounding myself with those same people.
We partied every day of the week.
Despite everything I thought I wanted, I had never felt so empty.
Then one night, everything changed.
I remember standing alone in the shower, completely broken.
For the first time in almost ten years, I cried out to the Lord.
I simply prayed,
“God, can You give me peace?”
I didn’t even say “Amen.”
But God answered.
Years of pain, trauma, and hurt came pouring out as I cried for hours.
For the first time in years, I experienced a peace I couldn’t explain.
But after that night, I went right back to smoking and sleeping around.
I didn’t take that encounter with God seriously.
About a year later, it happened again.
Once again, I found myself completely broken.
Once again, I cried out,
“God, can You give me peace?”
And once again, He answered.
That night, I cried harder than ever before.
God showed me that the peace I had been searching for through women, drugs, success, alcohol, and validation could only be found in Him.
From that moment on, I wanted to get right with God.
He began changing my desires.
Instead of pursuing women, drugs, partying, alcohol, and validation, He began leading me toward Himself.
It was unfamiliar.
It was uncomfortable.
It was scary.
But I was tired of living the life I had built.
So I kept following Him.
Eventually, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.
I repented of my sins.
I was baptized.
Jesus saved me from the life I was living.
By His grace, He set me free from pornography, masturbation, sexual immorality, marijuana, alcohol, partying, toxic relationships, insecurity, and my constant need for validation.
He opened His arms to me.
And I simply fell into them.
Today, my desire is to spend the rest of my life following Jesus Christ.
My testimony is still being written, and I pray God gives me many more years to continue telling what He has done in my life.
My hope is that one day I’ll be able to add another chapter to this testimony becoming a Godly husband and, Lord willing, raising a family that loves Christ.
Thank you for listening.
If my story has taught you anything, I hope it’s this:
No matter how broken you are or how far you’ve gone, Jesus Christ can change your life.
He changed mine.
All glory belongs to Him.
God bless.
